New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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