my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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