they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
