Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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