They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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