How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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