Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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