I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
