didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
