if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
