I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Mom said you looked used
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
