WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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