my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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