I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
