he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
