Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
