why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Shame - the story of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
