Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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