so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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