She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
