Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
