am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
