That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
