I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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