Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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