I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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