u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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