toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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