Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
