I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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