I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
