someone threw a dead crab at me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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