i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
