I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
