Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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