Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
