My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
