some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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