my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
