on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
