You're my little dorito
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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