I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
