God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
