My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
