All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
