when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
