we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
