You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nicole vs. Life
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
