he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
