so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
