Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
