I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
