I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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