Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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