Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize