my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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