I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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