i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
