I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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