After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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