I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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