I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
