omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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