How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
