We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
