Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
how does that bad decision feel?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
