Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
