people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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