1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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