I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
