god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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