I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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