Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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