One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
