he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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