You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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