Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
